My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
