Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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