apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize