Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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