I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize