It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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