Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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