So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
