I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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