I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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