I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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