Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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