He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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