So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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