note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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