I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
