remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If I die, sorry about rent.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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