DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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