I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
