Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
