Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
