his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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