My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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