You just made me feel so damn special
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Couch. On fire.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
