It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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