Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
