Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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