somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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