I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
