do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
