i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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