i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Michael Bay diarrhea
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
