There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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