I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
