OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it hurts more in the daytime
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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