He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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