yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
