I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
