were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
wow bdsm is so cute
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
