i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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