Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
