she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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