Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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