worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
