Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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