he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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