Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
