I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
did i walk over a car last night?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
