i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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