4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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