Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
