swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
