I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
