Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
