yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
