His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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