I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
