Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize