have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
