when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
