i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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