You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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