So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
