Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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