the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I didn't notice because vodka
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
