I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
