I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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