you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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