Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
