i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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