saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
