it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
