Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
