did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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