my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize