she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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