Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize